Poise. And my friend Becca
I want to talk a little about poise. Actually, more than a little. A lot.
Poise is a big deal. It’s a bigger deal than I think we Americans would like to admit. We’re a "scream-first, apologize-later" kind of culture, but there’s something about a person who can hold their center while the building is on fire.
A few years ago, I became a basketball ref. Honestly, I wish I’d done it a decade ago. I love it that much.
I think the reason I’m so hooked is that it’s teaching me poise in a way that nothing else in my life ever has. In the middle of a game, you aren't just an official—you’re a professional lightning rod.
My buddy Dane has this "stump speech" he gives during the pregame meeting with coaches and captains. You know the vibe: the typical pleasantries, the "shake hands, play fair, don't bite" talk.
The problem is, refs are usually seen as the uninvited guests. We’re the "Who invited these guys?" guys. There’s a perception that we’re robots who hate communication and wouldn’t know a "discussion" if it hit us in the whistle.
Dane preempts all of that. He looks the coaches in the eye and says:
“Guys, I love feedback. Like you, I love basketball and I’m trying to get better at my job. If you want to talk, let’s do it. I only ask for two things: The Right Time and The Right Tone.”
Right Time. Right Tone.
It’s such a simple, beautiful turn of phrase. It’s the difference between a productive conversation and a technical foul. It’s the difference between "sharing your truth" and just being an asshole.
In the heat of a game—or a break up, or a board meeting, or a drive-thru line that’s taking too long—most of us have the "Right Message," but we deliver it at the Wrong Time with the Wrong Tone.
Where in your life are you struggling with poise? Are you shouting the right things at the wrong people? Or are you waiting for that perfect window where "Right Time" and "Right Tone" actually meet?
Becca.
She’s a mom and a good friend and a former ballet dancer.
[Link: Listen to my conversation with Becca here]
TLDR / TLDL
Becca on:
Becca on:
Becca on:
What’s the coolest realization you’ve had when you’ve accepted something lately? Or what’s the most random thing you did when you were bored?
